as i mentioned in my previous post happy one min and sad the other. while doing an online test for an upcoming exam i scored really well twice and that made me happy, content, satisfied. this made me question what is happiness.

is it a feelign of joy i used to get when it rained, when i scored amazingly well on an exam when AL brought me flowers and cards ad choclate before my patho exam. the last time i was truly happy was ……i seriosuly cant remember

i never waited for happiness to come way i always derived hapiness from lil things in life like acting childish around my sibs having a great laugh even when teh joke was on me. my friends always thougth i was a tube light getting jokes later than teh rest but i always saw that as my way of udnerstanding things. i never wanted to fit in being teh lil rebillion i was i did everythign i was not supposed to do had an affair dreamed of marrying the guy shifted in teh hostel took an all pakistan tour before i got married staying out all night with my friends sneaking to concerts watchign the sun rise while enjoying an all night gali cricket match.

sometimes i feel may be i have already lived my life. all the things i was supposed to do and gain excitement from all teh things that needed to be done are done.

but then why am i alive. i was a firm believer that every man or woman for that matter has a divine purpose in this life no existence is complete without a cause a drive to achieve a drive to gain something

have my drive my wants desires all have been achieved?

i think not.

AB said start a blog write it would be helpful and i hate to admit that it is