he wants to end this

surprise surprise………… has been a while since he has been saying this and i am actually surprised that it took him so long to finally get to this point

every instant that I “defied” him every time I asked him to do what I want when we were happy atleast I was whenever I was excited every time every freaking minute I was told that I am going to finish this off

may be it would be good may be thats how it should have been from the start may be i am better off without him

o rabba mei ki kara help me na plz

We had a fight for no reason partly it was my fault I let go of my guards and forgot the “rules” i became myself. too excited about a news I failed to reply to him like he likes and yet we got into another fight.

i just wonder how long would this continue how much would i have to lose myself to gain more time in this marriage and why do I do this I wonder. I guess coz I am not a quitter never was and never will be.

I dont even make sense to myself at times and this is certianly one of them. I see all these happy couples around me having fun clicking away happy memories and displaying them for the sad unhappy ones like us to envy. I dont know why I cant be content, I want my core my innermost self to become relaxed to just breath deeply and let go.

This is how it feels to finally realize what might be the cause of all the distress. It feels satifying to realize why do I feel anxious, why does it seem that nothing is going the way it should go as and why cant I be satisfied. What am I truly looking for. Is it love, passion, emotion, understanding or just this that I can never be the same again. I have been too spoiled to be normal now.

He did something what He used to do. He anticipated my needs and I felt the same pang again.

Would it ever go away, He says it wont but lets hope. What a wonderful word that is. I am hoping again. Therefore I am concluding that not all is lost. If I can hope again I can feel again, I can care again and may be possibly love again…….