he says, ” why cant u just leave me, it would be better for both of us”, “u know what the final solution is” or “i know we wont last and are destined to be separate”

this all hurts me tremendously but not as much as it used to. now just a tear or may be two would fall. these statements are losing its hurting capacity.

then after some time if i express how frustrated i am and how i am about to lose my patience which believe me i do in a very subtle way coz if i lose my cool in a loud explosive way like before he would explode and end everything instantly. as i was saying if i express that i am tired of not getting anything positive outta him, he would turn into the sweet old thing i married.

same happened last night. he kept on going on and on about how bad everything was and how he wasn’t satisfied and how he sees no future for teh two of and how bad i am. i kinda lost it not immediately i thought about it then went online rather than call him and expressed myself and he said he would call me in a while which he did after three hours in the middle of my slumber but hell who is complaining atleast he called i am happy about that and said some wondeful things “you are my wife and if soemthign would happen to u i would get hurt”, “i dont know how to express these kind of feelings” and with so much conviction ” Aa, i would never cheat on you”.

i know these are not outta this world comments but where he is concerned these are.

He is emotionally unavailable to say the least. he doesn’t want to connect on an emotional level. I wonder what stops him . Some time I feel it is his ego. how can he a man a strong powerful MAN connect to a women how can he open his heart and soul to his wife some one his inferior. other times I feel he is plain resisting it coz he doesn’t want to be emotionally dependent when he is sure this relationship wont last. other times i feel that may be he is as cold and hard as he seems.

yes he cares for me he provides me well. he calls me when he thinks i would be upset but then i tolerate his BS too. he yells at me at the drop of teh hat. yesterday all i said ‘tum ho na’ bass he just blasted off calling me names (yes he is calling the situation names but it certainly doesn’t sound like that when he says ‘BC tum samjhtee ku nahee ho’) khair when I tolerate his tempers blasts why cant he reassure me this fucking relationship would last. As I see it it wont coz he says it wont. I so dont want to go to him. I know what is awaiting me there. I am so not motivated to go. Yes i want to get out of teh situation here but I certainly doesnt want to go into another situation.

He says ‘just chill’ I wish he was here to say it. All my confidants leave and then I am not to complain to You why bhaeee!!!!!!!!

Ya ALLAH!!!!!

sigh

Watching him suffer was painful, yet satisfying.

After years of anguish finally God has taken her revenge.

She thought while enduring the terrible smell of bed sores and wiping saliva off his chest.

Things are not always the same.

The situation at home is always a bit rocky. i really am very sensitive to everyones mood. for the last three weeks I was facing difficulty, not a lot of conversation happening at home and that certainly was affecting my mood. He always asks me whats wrong and why am I always so depressed.

I am now of teh opinion ‘ to hell with everyone’ I know I ma right I havent wronged anyone why should all this affect my mood and that has a bad effect on our marriage.

BAss bhut hogaya. i am going to lead my life the way I want to. I am going to enjoy my life. I am going to care less about teh way people behave around me. If they dont talk its their choice.

He is doing great. yesterday teh topic of kids came back to haunt us. You know what seriously I am getting so demotivated to have kids. Pata nahee ku?

He ran. 2 hour and 10 mins, 30 mins more than the last time.