why do i want to go to him. today he said, “mujhay tum se baat kernay ka waqt nahee hai” and when i repeated it he went balistic again. Saying you should think about all this before coming here. I dont know what mess I am getting myself into. I seriously dont want to go. There I would have no friends no family no social or emotional support system. what would i do when I have had enough. He is a maniac I tell you. He starts yelling at the drop of the hat. then he requires me to stay quiet and in the middle of his ranting he asks in stern voice do you understand and i am supposed to reply yes I do.

I question is this relationship worth all this. should I still look forward to him and this marriage. I am puzzled, and scared.

he says, ” why cant u just leave me, it would be better for both of us”, “u know what the final solution is” or “i know we wont last and are destined to be separate”

this all hurts me tremendously but not as much as it used to. now just a tear or may be two would fall. these statements are losing its hurting capacity.

then after some time if i express how frustrated i am and how i am about to lose my patience which believe me i do in a very subtle way coz if i lose my cool in a loud explosive way like before he would explode and end everything instantly. as i was saying if i express that i am tired of not getting anything positive outta him, he would turn into the sweet old thing i married.

same happened last night. he kept on going on and on about how bad everything was and how he wasn’t satisfied and how he sees no future for teh two of and how bad i am. i kinda lost it not immediately i thought about it then went online rather than call him and expressed myself and he said he would call me in a while which he did after three hours in the middle of my slumber but hell who is complaining atleast he called i am happy about that and said some wondeful things “you are my wife and if soemthign would happen to u i would get hurt”, “i dont know how to express these kind of feelings” and with so much conviction ” Aa, i would never cheat on you”.

i know these are not outta this world comments but where he is concerned these are.

He is emotionally unavailable to say the least. he doesn’t want to connect on an emotional level. I wonder what stops him . Some time I feel it is his ego. how can he a man a strong powerful MAN connect to a women how can he open his heart and soul to his wife some one his inferior. other times I feel he is plain resisting it coz he doesn’t want to be emotionally dependent when he is sure this relationship wont last. other times i feel that may be he is as cold and hard as he seems.

yes he cares for me he provides me well. he calls me when he thinks i would be upset but then i tolerate his BS too. he yells at me at the drop of teh hat. yesterday all i said ‘tum ho na’ bass he just blasted off calling me names (yes he is calling the situation names but it certainly doesn’t sound like that when he says ‘BC tum samjhtee ku nahee ho’) khair when I tolerate his tempers blasts why cant he reassure me this fucking relationship would last. As I see it it wont coz he says it wont. I so dont want to go to him. I know what is awaiting me there. I am so not motivated to go. Yes i want to get out of teh situation here but I certainly doesnt want to go into another situation.

He says ‘just chill’ I wish he was here to say it. All my confidants leave and then I am not to complain to You why bhaeee!!!!!!!!

Ya ALLAH!!!!!